Going Chuck Norris on the Disobedience Monster

Only 13 more days till I can drink coffee again! Part of me wants to that life without coffee isn't so bad. Really. I don't think about it all that much. But man, when I do think about it, it's usually because I could really use some.

And it's not like I can just not think about because the stuff is EVERYWHERE. McDonald's is advertising new "bolder, richer coffee" with big banners over their stores. Ryan Bourque is coming over every Tuesday and Thursday morning for a fresh cup. I walk into Cafe XA, there's coffee. I go to my office in Griffin, there's coffee. I eat upstairs in the Student Union, there's coffee. I walk around campus, every freakin' body is drinkin' coffee!

Remember last week, when I told you about the Conscience Monster? Well, now the Disobedience Monster is messing with me:

"C'mon, Ken. You don't really have to do this."

"I know I don't, Disobedience Monster. I wanted to do it."

"No you didn't. You were just giving in to the peer pressure of the Conscience Monster."

"Well, yeah, sort of, but I wanted to give in to him."

"But 40 days is such a looong time."

"Not really."

"You could just have a little. No one would know about it."

"I would know about it, and that's enough. Now, shut your fat, stupid face before I roundhouse kick it, Chuck Norris-style."

"You wouldn't do that, would . . . " WHAM!

"Don't ever doubt me again, fool."

And that's how I deal with the Disobedience Monster. A little roundhouse action sends him running back home to his momma. And yeah, he usually goes back, works out, beefs up a little bit, and tries to come back looking all bad and strong. That's why I just keep eating my cereal. Nothing keeps you prepared for an attack from Disobedience like a healthy bowl of Frosted Flakes. That fool ain't got nothin' on the power of those sweet, crispy, whole grain flakes drowned in a giant bowl with pure, white, lipidy whole milk. That's right. Believe that.

~Ken, Born of Fire