Coffee, Lent, and the Conscience Monster

I gave up coffee for Lent.

Can you believe that? Perhaps I should say it again:

I gave up coffee for Lent.

"Why?" you ask? Well, I'm not 100% sure. I'm not Catholic, so it's not like I'm supposed to give up something for Lent. But I have done it in the past. The first time I did it I simply wasn't aware that it was a Catholic tradition. I had just become a Christian, and I thought it was something all Christians did. The year after that, I knew that it was a Catholic tradition, but I thought it was pretty cool so I did it anyway. Then for the next few years I didn't do it at all, and I wasn't exactly planning to this year either. This is how it happened:

I was in the Chi Alpha house with Amanda J Meadows and April Hermanson. I was eating at the kitchen table and they were chatting in the living room when I heard April say, "So I'm thinking about giving up coffee for Lent."

"Hmm, that's quite admirable of her," I thought to myself.

Then as soon as I thought that, the Conscience Monster whispered in my ear, "If it's so admirable, why don't you do it?"

"No, Conscience Monster," I immediately retorted. "You're just trying to make me do something 'religious' so I can feel good about myself and impress people. Well, I'm not gonna fall for it."

"That's not it at all," he argued. "Can't you just do something good for the sake of doing something good, and for your own benefit?"

"Well . . . yeah . . . I guess . . . But I really like coffee."

"Exactly."

"And what about Ryan? We drink coffee together every Tuesday and Thursday morning. He would be so disappointed."

"He can still come over and drink coffee, and y'all can still talk. It's the talking that's the important thing, right? Not the coffee?"

"Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. Okay, well, I'll do it."

At this point April walks back into the room after having gone to McDonald's.

"Hey, April, guess what . . . I think I'm gonna give up coffee for Lent, too."

"Really? That's awesome," she exclaimed.

Now going back inside my head:

"Oh no. What have I just done? I told someone. That means I have to stay committed to it."

"Yep, it sure does."

"No one asked for your input, Conscience Monster."

"Hey, look at the bright side. You'll save a lot of money."

"Yeah, whatever."

The lesson to be learned here is that the Conscience Monster is a ruthless beast, who will stop at nothing to make you do what he wants. He normally hides out under your bed, and he looks like a giant meatball.

In my next post, I'll tell you all about life without coffee and what it's like.