Adventures in Learning to Drive, Part II

With a belly full of fish-fried chicken and biscuits, I went home discouraged but hopeful. How hard could it be to get a turn-signal fixed? I asked some of my more mechanically-inclined friends, who informed me that the bulb probably just needs to be replaced. Really? I didn't even know cars used bulbs! So as soon as I got home, I went and unscrewed the light bulb in my room and put it in my car. (Just kidding. I knew you had to get a special car bulb for cars, silly.) I was more determined than ever; I was going to change that bulb and drive that dang Lumina right back to the DMV and ace that test! And there wasn't nothing nobody could do to stop me!

A trip to Pep Boys and several hours later, I discovered that either changing a bulb on a car is a lot harder than changing a bulb in a house, or the bulb wasn't the problem. With the help of Zeke D'Avy and Chad Brown, I eventually figured out it was the latter. I called Charles and told him the problem. He took it to his mechanic. A few days later he called me:

Charles: I got some bad news about the car.
Me: What's that?
Charles: It's gonna cost exactly 1 arm and 1 leg to fix the dang thing.
Me: What?! An arm and a leg? I thought that was just a figure of speech!
Charles: Nope.
Me: That's a steep price, just to fix a blinker.
Charles: Listen, I'm willing to spot you an arm if you can come up with the leg.
Me: Meh.

Since we didn't want to fix it, and since it didn't seem like a good idea to drive around with no back left turn-signal (have you ever tried using the hand signals? It feels really stupid for some reason), we decided to just sell the car.

To be completely sincere for a moment, I felt like giving up at this point. Yeah, I get an "F" for Perseverance 101, I know. But I was so annoyed with the whole situation, and I just started to think it wasn't really worth it. The gas money, the insurance money, the have-to-fix-stuff-before-you-even-officially-own-the-freakin'-thing money. In fact, have you ever considered the undeniable, historical truth that 99.98% of the greatest people in the history of the world never owned a car or had a driver's license? Seriously. Moses, Gandhi, the Buddha, Jesus, the list goes on. I just wanted to be like Jesus.


As it turns out though, it's too late for me to give up now. (Sorry Jesus, but I'm going to have to trump you on this one.) Over the last few months, I've learned the truth of what Charles told me all those years ago. Whether I realize it or not, whether I admit it or not, I will probably never feel like a mature adult male in my society until I get that driver's license. Besides that, I've learned over the years to value the act of carrying out a goal to it's completion. When we give up, even though it may seem like the wise thing to do in the moment, we lose something. We can become habitual giver-uppers, who can never quite seem to finish a task. Well I don't want to be a giver-upper anymore, and I'm going to keep trying until I have that license in my hand, if for no other reason than my own dignity and self-respect.

And as always, the moral of the story: stay in school, kids!

P. S. I'm going to try to take the test again this Thursday. Pray for me. = )

Adventures in Learning to Drive, Part I

I think I'm approximately 27 years old. (I'm pretty sure. But I really do forget sometimes. So let's just go with 27, give or take a year). Anyway, I'm somewhere between the ages of 26 and 28, and I don't have a driver's license. That's the point I'm getting at.

I recently embarked on a journey to obtain one of these things. And by recently I mean about 5 years ago. I want to tell you the story of this journey, but before I do, I should tell you some of the steps that led up to it.

If, as you and I have so far assumed, I am indeed most probably 27 years old, that means I am 11 years past the age at which most people get their licenses. The reason most people get their licenses at 16 is because that is the earliest age allowed by law, and most people want their license at the earliest possible age they can have it. This was not the case with me.

Call it weird, but I just didn't have that itch. Call it fear, more accurately. The thought of driving scared the piss out of me, which is a terrible thing to happen to you while you're driving because there isn't much you can do about it. Everyone seems to think a guy should drive a car so he can take girls on dates, but if you pee your pants on the way to pick her up, it automatically negates all other potential benefits.

What kept me from driving wasn't just the thought of my rampant absent-mindedness resulting in the death of one or more other human beings, including-but-not-limited-to myself. That was part of it, but I was also a very inert adolescent. I didn't do things that I didn't feel like doing, and most things happened to fall into that category of "Things I Don't Feel Like Doing."

I finished high school with no license. I entered college with no license. Didn't want one, didn't need one, didn't care. Charles Gravely and I had some conversations that went like this:

Charles: Ken, I think you should try to get your driver's license.
Me: Meh.
Charles: Seriously Ken, as your brother in Christ and as someone who you trust to challenge you and encourage you toward spiritual maturity, I think getting your driver's license would be an important step. It's like a rite of passage in our culture.
Me: I definitely see your point . . . but . . . meh.

Charles's prodding must've been somewhat effective though because a few summers later, I started learning how to drive. I drove my friend's truck, stick shift and all, up and down a long gravel road a few times and I thought I was ready. So then I went and took the test in my mom's van, and I failed. I kept turning into other lanes of traffic. The instructor was really friendly at first, so I thought I was doing well. She preceded to ask me kindly if I was nervous, and when I replied, "very," Satan entered her and she barked, "WELL YOU'RE ABOUT TO FAIL YOUR TEST!" And that would have helped me out a lot, except for the fact that it didn't.

She told me to turn left at the next light. So I put my left blinker on and waited for the light to turn green. When it did, I turned right. She said, "What are you doing? I told you to turn LEFT! Pull over into this parking lot. I'll drive us back to the DMV."

If my confidence could be compared to a baby bird in a jungle, fluttering it's little wings and hopping around on the ground, that experience was like a tree falling on top of the bird. And that instructor was the lumberjack that fell the freakin' thing. She fell the tree; she failed me.

So what do you do when you fall off a horse? Well, you get back on and try again, five years later. Charles Gravely (the same one I mentioned earlier) got married to another good friend of mine, Amanda J (btw, they have a blog, too). They recently decided to give me Amanda's old 1990 Chevy Lumina. Yes, you read that right, they GAVE it to me. They decided they didn't need the car, and though they very well could have sold it and used the money for their soon-coming stint as campus missionaries in Belgium, they determined in their godly, giant hearts to just bless me with it.

Before making it official though, we mutually agreed it would be best for me to obtain my license first. So, with my hand forced in the most gracious way, I got back on the horse. I got my permit renewed, and I started driving the Lumina everywhere. Most of the time I would get my licensed friends to ride shotgun, and on a few occasions I even drove it by myself (until Amanda found out one day and politely requested that I immediately cease and desist that particular habit).

For the first time in my life, I actually started to feel good about driving. I felt natural behind the wheel. Not to the point of arrogance; I just started to feel like I could react calmly and reasonably should something unexpected happen on the road. So, me and my most frequent traveling buddy, Lance Dunn, planned an excursion to the DMV. We went, waited for my number to be called, filled out the paper work, etc. I was a little nervous, but overall I had a pretty good feeling that I was about to finally get this thing over with. The instructor and I walked out to the car, and as she does the routine inspection of headlights and such, we discover, oops, my back left turn signal isn't working! I can't take the test!!!

I was overwhelmed with frustration and disappointment, but I felt better when Lance and I went to KFC and got some comfort food. I got a filet of fish, which actually tasted oddly similar to chicken, fried in fish fry. Oh well, meat is meat. I ate it, along with 3 biscuits and some potato wedges, washed it down with a Pepsi, then got up and ordered some fiery hot wings for dessert. Ah, much better.

So what happened next? And am I ever going to get my daggum license?!?! Hate to leave you on a cliffhanger, but I will answer those questions in the next installment, to be posted tomorrow. = )

On Memorizing Scripture

I've been reading a book by Ed Dobson called The Year of Living Like Jesus (full review forthcoming at my book blog, kendlebooks.blogspot.com). Dobson, inspired by A. J. Jacobs and his Year of Living Biblically, decided to spend a year living as closely to the way Jesus lived as possible. He grows out his beard, observes Jewish customs, such as the Sabbath and the Passover, and tries to fully apply Jesus's teachings to his everyday life, among other things. Included in this project was lots of Scripture memorization, something Jesus surely would have done, just as any rabbi of his day was expected to. The book is inspiring me in several ways, including making me want to memorize Scripture.

What is the value of such a practice, you may ask? Well, I can think of many potential benefits, but I'll just say the one that has cropped up already as I've restarted this practice (I say restarted because I've done it a few times before. I've simply never been committed to it as regular and ongoing discipline). I decided to begin with the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-10) and work my up to the whole Sermon on the Mount (Chpts. 5-7 of Matthew). So today, I just kept reading those 10 verses quietly to myself until I could recite them from memory (which isn't that difficult with these particular verses, due to their poetic structure).

Now, it just so happens that lust has been a major struggle for me recently. I won't go into detail here, but I've just been having a lot of trouble keeping my thoughts in check. So as I kept repeating Jesus's words, the ones that really stuck out to me the most were, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." At first, I wasn't quite sure why I was connecting with this verse the most, out of all the others, but it became obvious when I put 2 & 2 together. The living Word of God was speaking directly to me, the Double-Edged Sword cutting simultaneously into the lustful state of my mind and the rebellious state of my heart. Honestly, I may not have had that experience had I just read over the passage once and kept going.

And now I keep repeating these words, "Blessed are the pure in heart. For they will see God." I want to see God. And as I say these words, their force becomes almost tangible, like a breath of pure air, that I breathe right back in to myself. The temptations that I'm facing become weaker, and my desire for purity, stronger.

I'm definitely going to try to make Scripture memorization a long-term habit. I'll let you know where it takes me.

Some Moderate Thoughts on Global Warming

Most of my friends and the people that I'm surrounded by on a daily basis are politically conservative. Most of them probably think I'm liberal, primarily because I often critique conservative perspectives. However, though I can't be sure, I get the feeling that I would do exactly the opposite if most of my friends happened to be liberal. I take it as a God-given gift that I am often able to help people see other perspectives. Socrates is a personal hero of mine.

And I have to admit, when it comes to politics, I tend to be extremely moderate, probably to a fault. I can't help it; I am thoroughly attracted to the idea that there must be some better way of framing most political issues than the tired old conservative vs. liberal paradigms.

Thus, when I approach the issue of global warming, I really want to find some middle ground between the conventional conservative and liberal positions. And maybe this desire colors my vision a little bit; maybe one of these sides really is 100% correct and the other is 100% wrong. I'm not ruling out the possibility. However, as long as I can reasonably do so, I will continue to try to consider the strengths and weaknesses of all the various arguments that are presented. (And yes, I do realize I'm speaking of global warming as a political issue, rather than a science issue. It's a sad but true fact that that's what it has become. More on that later.)

So here's my real thoughts on global warming:

1) The evidence is NOT conclusive. And, surprisingly enough to many of the skeptics, most scientists AREN'T claiming that it is. Science has learned its lessons over the years. It takes overwhelming, undeniable evidence for scientists to come to a consensus that a certain hypothesis is proven to be true. And with global warming, that just hasn't happened yet. It doesn't mean that evidence isn't there. It is. There is indeed a consensus that the evidence is currently pointing towards global warming being real, and that it is at least partly related to human activity. But there's more work to be done, more measuring, more testing, more debating. And contrary to popular misconception, most scientists simply AREN'T asserting that human-caused global warming is absolute fact. (Though, there are some people who are saying that, but I'll get to them in a second.)

A century or two ago, many scientists thought that there was little left in the world to discover. That Newton had pretty much mapped out the underlying fabric of the Universe, and all that was left to do was to make more precise measurements. Then Maxwell, Einstein, Heisenberg, et. al. came around and flipped that all upside-down. Scientists today know better. It's part of being a good scientist to know that any given hypothesis or theory can be seriously called into question by some new discovery or idea that no one had accounted for previously.

2) The scientific discussion of global warming has been co-opted by highly-influential, politically-motivated people. It's hardly possible anymore to have a discussion about global warming that isn't somehow tainted by the left or right leanings of the involved parties. Real scientists, unfortunately, don't have as prominent a role in the public forum as do pundits and politicians. The people who are influencing public opinion on the science of global warming the most are people who are . . . guess what . . . NOT SCIENTISTS! We are being "educated" about this subject by people on TV who have NO CREDENTIALS for such a task. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? Then again, why go and spend all the time required to read something academic when I can just have my pre-existing opinion affirmed by that really confident-sounding guy on TV?

This goes for both sides of the debate. As I was saying earlier, scientists are not overwhelmingly claiming that global warming is a scientifically airtight theory. However, there are SOME politicians and even SOME politically-motivated scientists who are. I, for one, do not believe that we should act in such a way as if the most alarming of the reports are true. Let's continue to fund research and act gradually as we get more information. The people who act as though there's simply not a single reason to doubt global warming are just as guilty of unwarranted extremism as those who act as though there's not a single reason to believe it and that it's a vast conspiracy.

3) The recent scandal involving certain scientists (actually, primarily just one scientist named Phil Jones) is not sufficient evidence that the whole thing is a hoax. For one thing, what the man said and did is being blown way out of proportion by the conservative media. Check out these 2 links here and here for two different sides of the issue.

Regardless, if a scandal regarding a single individual or a relatively small group of individuals is sufficient to discredit an entire idea or movement that has lots of other evidence for it, Christianity would have been discredited a LONG, LONG time ago, before it ever even reached Rome and Emperor Constantine. This is not a fair method of assessment.

4) Snowstorms are not evidence against global warming. Short-term fluctuations do not accurately represent long-term trends. I might as well trim my beard and then present its recent decrease in length as evidence that it's not growing.

5) Finally, while the jury is still out on global warming, I have trouble seeing how it could possibly be a bad thing for us to reduce carbon emissions, clean up our energy, etc. All the people with strong anti-environmental views still enjoy breathing clean air and drinking clean water. Of all people, Christians should be leading the way in this area. We are the ones who know that God gave man dominion over the Earth (Genesis 1). Dominion does not entail a right to use and abuse as we see fit. This kind of mentality is akin to sexual immorality--taking a gift that God has given and getting what we want from it, without any appreciation for the true purpose of the gift or its ultimate Source. The belief that the activity of the billions of human beings on our planet has absolutely zero negative effect on our environment is not only willfully ignorant, but also unbiblical. God gave us a job. He gave us a domain and set us up as rulers; inasmuch as we mishandle this responsibility, we have become tyrants.

BOTH AND

The Word of God, but not His pen.
Not his ink but that of men.
Creation, yes, but not His hand.
Simple obeisance to his command:

"Let there be . . . "

And so he told the world to spin,
But I've often thought it may have been
The constant work of the musician
That makes it go round and round again.

What is a Christian Nation?

Over the last 200+ years, many have claimed that America is a Christian nation, as many still do today. And yet, two centuries of lexicalization have done very little to clarify the meaning of this phrase. Thus, the titular question of this essay is just as relevant to us now as it would have been to 18th century colonists.

David Barton, a writer for an excellent website called Wallbuilders.com, defines "Christian nation" in a way that seems fairly uncontroversial. He says:

"A Christian nation as demonstrated by the American experience is a nation founded upon Christian and Biblical principles, whose values, society, and institutions have largely been shaped by those principles. This definition was reaffirmed by American legal scholars and historians for generations 12 but is widely ignored by today’s revisionists." (Is President Obama Correct:Is America No Longer a Christian Nation?, http://www.wallbuilders.com/LIBissuesArticles.asp?id=23909) If this is the definition people are working with when they use that term, I can accept that. How could America not be shaped by Christian and Biblical principles when indeed Christianity had been the dominant cultural force of Western civilization for over a millenium prior to the formation of our Constitution? This much seems obvious and undeniable.

The problem that I have is that when people use this term, while they may indeed have a definition in mind similar to the one I just cited, they often have MUCH MORE in mind than just that. They seem to mean that America is a Christian nation in a way that, say, Great Britain is not, nor ever was, even though the Bible and Christianity most surely shaped its values, society, and institutions as well. They seem to mean that America is a Christian nation in a way that no other country ever will be. They seem to mean that the angels of the Lord's army lead the Americans to victory in the Revolution, that God himself ordained our laws on stone tablets for us, that Jesus Christ sat down on a mount with our Founding Fathers and taught them how to form a government, and that the Holy Spirit divinely inspired the Declaration of Independence.

These things I do not believe. And no matter how Christian or un-Christian our nation becomes, I will not waver in my belief that Israel and the Church are the only 2 institutions in history that God has sovereignly ordained in a special way (Romans 13 does teach that God establishes earthly authorities. So yes, in this sense, and only in the sense that God has established ALL authorities, God has indeed established the American ones). And while the Bible does teach that the nations are in God's hands and that he uses them to accomplish his purposes (Psalm 22:28), it also teaches that God does not show favoritism (Romans 2:11).

The penultimate line of our national anthem asks, "O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave?" The answer is "no," as it is now the fashion to drape it over a wooden cross.

Do Pets Go to Heaven? Rethinking the Question

You can tell a lot about a person based on how they answer this question. And I don't mean whether they say "yes" or "no," but rather in precisely how they formulate their answer.

I've been thinking about the question recently, and honestly, there are lots of sound, Biblical reasons to answer it in the negative. Biblically, there's no good reason to think that animals have the souls that we image-of-God-bearing human beings do.

That may all be true. However, in thinking about this whole question, I have come to a conclusion that has little to do with the "correct answer" to it. A lot of people who say "no," especially the people who just dismiss the whole idea of animals in Heaven as silly to begin with, do so based on a distorted view of the nature of God. In other words, even if they are technically correct in their answer to the question, they may have a shallow and cold understanding of who God is. (Please note that I said "a lot of people who say no," not "everyone who says no.")

In the same vein, many who believe that pets do go to Heaven, even if they are ultimately incorrect, do so out of a very good understanding of God. It's possible that bad eschatology can arise from good theology.

You know how in math classes the teacher always tells you to "show your work," and how that's usually more important than the answer itself? Yeah, I think when it's all said and done, God might want to see our work. In this and in everything else, let's make sure we're not consumed by simply having the right answer.

Thanks!

P. S., I would answer the question as "probably not," but I would definitely never say "absolutely not." None other than C. S. Lewis speculates in his book The Problem of Pain that just as Christ redeems human beings, it may be possible that human beings can, in turn, redeem our pets. God gave us dominion over the Earth and all the plants and animals in it. If the believer can be raised with Christ because we are under his Lordship, then perhaps our pets, under our lordship over them, can be raised with us.

Ode to the Moon

I composed this in honor of the 40th Anniversary of the Moon-Landing. When writing it, I was thinking about how all the star-gazers and astronomers throughout history must have felt, just dreaming about reaching the moon.

Ode to the Moon

Mystery in plain sight
Across a sea of space and light
Draws me to her every night.

Even when her back is turned
I hardly ever feel her spurn
I just embrace the dark nocturne.

When she’s new, still in my eye.
When she’s full, so am I.
The only thing between us: sky.

If I could see the mystery,
If I could sail the space-y sea,
I would, tonight, draw her to me.

In Praise of the Vibrate Setting

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who is annoyed by today's cell phones. Aside from the fact that the pocket computers known as the iPhone and its ilk seems to me extremely luxurious and ostentatious, I mainly just get annoyed by the ringtones. Am I missing something or do most phones have 4 settings now: silent, vibrate, ring, and boombox? Seriously, I wonder, do you actually believe that everyone within a 50-foot radius wants to hear 10 seconds of the latest Miley Cyrus song every time someone calls you? Or, are you just utterly convinced that the one thing our world need right now is more noise and distractions?

I've actually had people get mad at me before because I keep my phone on vibrate and sometimes I don't notice it vibrating. Although, generally, a missed call won't go unnoticed for too long because I use my cellphone as a watch, and I like to check the time fairly frequently. But apparently, this is not good enough for some people. Apparently, they just NEED me to be accessible at an instant. Sorry, but I'm not a dog, so I prefer not to be on a leash.

I ain't turning Amish or nothing like that, but I do believe that the cellphone is one of the most obnoxious inventions of our day. Here's to reversing the trend.

P.S. While were on the subject of phones: If you and I are having a conversation, and you get a text, would it just ABSOLUTELY KILL YOU to actually WAIT until we finish our conversation to read and reply. I must confess that I've done this to people before, and I hereby repent.

Mission Missive

"Slow and steady wins the race."
"Pace yourself."
I have believed this for a long time
and still do.

But, maybe, there are times,
special, specific, spaces of time,
when the pistol in the air
hits the pistons in your heart,
and you dart into to the distance.

Wisdom is like oil.
But a Psalm is like fuel
that launches
a massive, inert,
Earth-loving, ground-bound
missile like myself.

Pressure

Living life surrounded by people that love you sounds like every decent human being's dream, doesn't it? I've been reading the Psalms lately, and it seems like the writer is constantly feeling the tension of being surrounded by people who wish him harm. When I read his fears and problems poured out on the page, I am suddenly grateful for the fact that I seem to be flanked by good friends who have a genuine desire to see me succeed and prosper.

While this is a most desirable position to be in, it has the unfortunate side effect of often being uncomfortable. It comes with its own tensions and anxieties, which can generally be boiled down to a single word: pressure. It doesn't sound like such a bad problem, considering the alternative: living a life that no one cares about. Regardless, there's an aspect of being loved and of people having high expectations of you that feels, at least to me, truly tragic. That is, I feel like I live my life in a perpetual and inescapable condition in which, in every action I take, I'm never quite sure whether I'm doing it for God, for myself, or for those people around me.

In other words, I live in a constant state of uncertainty regarding my motives. I'm not sure if this is unusual or not. I just have a sincere hunger in my heart that my motives would be pure. I hate doing good if I feel like I'm doing it to be seen or to fulfill others' expectations, almost to the point that I'd rather do nothing at all.

I guess the challenge is simply to find the will of God, obey, and be content in it. Easier said. But I'm learning. I know who I am in Christ. I know the gifts I've been given. I know the word of God and the will of God revealed therein. I'm going to try to set my eyes on those things and those things alone.

Forgetting Keys

All our lives we look for keys,
sometimes overturning cushions,
other times giving up, in hope
we'll find it when we're not looking.

In all our searching we fail
to see: There's no locks.

No doors.
No wall-surrounded holes.

No combination of numbers
will open up love.
Left, right, right, left
is just a longer way
of going straight ahead.

This isn't cynicism though.
I like it.
Life is more
than a padlocked door.

The Trinity: Explanation?

In a brief conversation with my friend Amanda J. Meadows this morning, I was inspired to think about the Holy Trinity. For those unfamiliar, one of the core doctrines of orthodox Christianity is that the God of the Bible expresses himself in three different persons: God the Father, God the Son (aka Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit. This idea has been the subject of much controversy throughout the 2000-year history of the Christian church, and most consider it to be a profound mystery.

In staff meeting this morning, Amanda remarked that she looked forward to finally understanding the Trinity when she gets to Heaven. The idea that we will understand the Trinity when we are with God for eternity, and that it will no longer be a mystery, makes perfect sense. Even Paul seems to assert that our knowledge will be made complete when we behold God face to face (1 Corinthians 13).

However, for whatever reason, the thought immediately occurred to me that maybe we never will understand the Trinity. Maybe there is no explanation. And I don't think that would be so bad because there's something beautiful about mystery.

Throughout the centuries people have used various analogies as a way of feebly attempting to wrap our brains around the idea. One common one I've heard is an egg (shell, white, yolk, but all one egg). While this makes some amount of sense, it's overall a fairly poor analogy. While all those are parts of an egg, none of them are the egg. Also, the shell is not the white. The white is not the yolk. The yolk is not the shell.

There are two basic ways of not understanding something. One way is incomplete understanding. We're on the right track, but there's some key information missing. If we obtain that information, we can complete our understanding. The second way has not so much to do with lack of information as it does with some fundamental error in the way we approach an idea. We're not even on the right track. A good example of this second way is found in the way physicists discovered that Newtonian laws of physics were practically useless for describing the behaviors of subatomic particles.

I'm thinking that all of our groping around for an explanation of the Trinity is probably along the lines of this second way. And I'm willing to entertain the notion that maybe, just maybe, our attempts at explanation are so frequently frustrated because there actually is no explanation. That God simply is who he is, and that no explanation is necessary. Oddly, I find this idea more attractive than the idea that God is mostly like an egg, except with more complexity that we don't understand yet but will one day.

Fish Thoughts

I have lots of thoughts in my head, swimming around like a school of minnows in a pond. Each of them are things I've considered writing full blogs about, but I can't seem to settle on one. So, I figured I'd just get em all out at once, in brief, and then if anyone wants me to expound on any of them, let me know.

I don't know why more Christians don't read poetry. There's some GREAT Christian poets out there. My favorite is Luci Shaw. Reading her poems draws me closer to God.

I've been wanting to write a blog about the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and how it's about eternal life. It's weird because it holds three contrasting views in tension: resurrection, reincarnation, and worldy fame.

If you haven't yet seen Gran Torino, you REALLY REALLY need to. I'm not sure if it's still in theaters, but at least rent it when it comes out.

One of my pet peeves is when people look down their noses at me because of my love for pro wrestling. It's so judgmental and almost always hypocritical.

Lately my sense of awe about God and who He is has been increasing. He gives a deep and beautiful meaning to the word wonderful.

Maybe it's because of my own insecurities, but I usually have trouble worshiping God when the lyrics of a worship song are all about how I am going to worship God. That might sound weird, but it seems like drawing attention to the act of worship takes my attention off of God.

Speaking of worship, I try to ignore the worship leader when he/she says, "Close your eyes and focus on God. It's just you and Him right now." No. It's not just me and him. It's me and him and the rest of my family of believers. If I wanted it to be just me and God, I could've stayed home.

I love communion. I always feel overwhelmed by the thought of Jesus's body and blood being given for me. And not just that but the fact that believers all over the world are celebrating that in the same way, because he did it for all of us.

I'm rediscovering my love for science. I might go for another Master's some day in the near future, but this time in physics or something like that. I had a chemistry set when I was a kid, and I loved it. I think God created my brain the way it is for a reason, and I think he has great plans for it.

Show holy undue take noon fro, and show holy under ups rue?

Communion Poem

Communion Poem

The God of man

became Man-God

and bought men for God

with his own man-blood.

Flesh AND blood

got caught

on a nail.

Man knew not what sin had wrought

in God until

Wooden, man-built thing

sandwiched between

Creator and creation.

Earth wine-tasting by driplets dropped and

when the sips had stopped,

the cave mouth spread

open then shut to

consume the bread.

Righteous indigestion.

And the throat that had swallowed

kings, priests, and prophets

had to vomit

at the mere thought it had

eaten God.

And yet . . . we may partake.

In Defense of Being a Good Person

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote:

In times of established order, when the law rules supreme and the transgressor of the law is disgraced and ostracized, it is in relation to the tax-gatherer and the prostitute that the gospel of Jesus Christ discloses itself most clearly to men . . . In times which are out of joint, in times when lawlessness and wickedness triumph in complete unrestraint, it is rather in relation to the few remaining just, truthful, and human men that the gospel will make itself known. (Ethics)

This makes immediate sense to me, though I somehow had failed to grasp it before encountering this text. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has been, since the beginning, counter-cultural. So, in times of great moral decay, it seems natural that Christ would find allies in all who do good, whether they are believers or not (see Mark 9:40). After all, everything good rightfully belongs to Christ in the first place. Thus, times of wickedness provide the church with the opportunity to reclaim for herself and for God that which is hers by nature. And God can receive glory in this way, as the church, as his ambassadors, represents him as the original do-gooder, the one who created things and "saw that it was good" (Genesis 1).

This truth that Bonhoeffer so eloquently articulated more than 50 years ago seems particularly relevant today. In this world of ours, rife with corporate greed, irresponsible use of resources, religious terrorism, political chaos, genocide, slave-trading, and so on, it is indeed becoming almost trendy to care for the environment, to consume ethically, to be a voice for the voiceless, and to even be a sort of civilian diplomat in world affairs. (The word "trendy" may be an unfortunate one here, but one need only look to the recent proliferation of celebrity philanthropists, such as Brangelina, to get the point.) Sadly, the church of Jesus Christ often seems to be (slowly) following the trends, rather than leading the way. And what is even more discouraging is that many leaders within the church are resisting the trends, even denouncing them, in the belief that the true, Christ-crucified Gospel is being compromised for the sake of making the church more attractive to the world. What we are frequently missing out on is the opportunity to point the increasing number of "do-gooders" in our world towards Christ by showing how every good and perfect gift has its true origins in our Father in Heaven. The ultimate motivations for living green is knowing God as the benevolent Creator of every green thing on Earth. The ultimate motivation for trying to stop war and genocide comes from knowing how God became a part of his Creation, a human being, and died so that we might have life.

And I say, so what if the church wants to correct her public relations problems? Is that really such a bad thing? Yes, if we water down the message of Christ, then it is. We must preach Christ and him crucified. But, I would challenge anyone to demonstrate to me how promoting good environmental stewardship is in anyway antithetical to that message. Yes, Jesus did warn us to exercise caution regarding our motivations, that we should not do things for the sake of praise from men. But do take note that he was primarily referring to seeking the praise of the RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY. He talks about doing our fasting, praying, and giving in secret. Who do we try to impress with those sorts of activities? Not the world so much as fellow believers! In regard to the world, he actually said that we should let them see our good deeds, that they might praise our Father in Heaven! (See Matthew 5 & 6).

In the passage where Jesus says to let people see our "good deeds" (Matthew 5:16), the Greek word for "deeds" is etymogically related to the English word "work," and just like the word "work" in English, when used as a noun, it tends to emphasize a sense of labor or of something requiring signicant, repeated effort. By using this word, Jesus is not so much emphasizing individual acts as he is talking about being in the habit of doing good and having the character of one who consistently labors for good. Meanwhile, when Jesus warns us about doing our "acts of righteousness" to be seen by men (Matthew 6:1), the Greek behind that phrase emphasizes single acts or concrete expressions of goodness, something visible, tangible. For example, Paul uses the same word when referring to the one "righteous act" of Jesus, his Death, which reversed the curse brought on by the one transgression of Adam. So we see that what Jesus cautions against is doing good things for the sake of being seen by men, but he affirms having the kind of character that cause one to constantly labor for good. In other words, being a good person.

And so I write this essay in defense of being a good person. I defend goodness against two forces: one that denounces goodness simply because it's not what saves us (and I whole-heartedly agree that it is grace, and not works, that saves us), and another which treats goodness as though it were simply a lack of explicit badness. Being a good person requires extraordinary effort, taking a pro-active stance towards the evil that exists in our world, and the church should NOT regard it as a waste of time or a division of our allegiances. Bonhoeffer and Jesus both affirm that it is not simply grace that speaks to our world. The goodness of God's people is a significant element of our witness. Of course we are sinners, saved by grace; of course, as the bumper stickers have it, we are "not perfect, just forgiven." But if it' s only our status as being either condemned or forgiven that matters, then where is the transforming power of the Gospel? What does Jesus mean when he says to "let your light shine"? And to all who are skeptical about the value of social justice, environmentalism, and the like, I would ask, what are your good deeds? If your religious activities, like praying, fasting, and giving, are supposed to be done in secret, as Jesus says, what good deeds are your neighbors seeing in you that would cause them to glorify God?

10 Reasons Why I'm Not Voting

Here's 10 reasons why I'll be exercising my right to NOT vote in this year's presidential election:

1. Politicians are corrupt.
2. John McCain is corrupt.
3. Barack Obama is corrupt.
4. Sarah Palin is corrupt.
5. Joe Biden is corrupt.
6. The American voting system is corrupt.
7. The political campaign system is corrupt.
8. The media is corrupt.
9. I hate how things have gone so far.
10. McCain and Obama might as well duke it out in a steel-cage match. That would be much more civilized than the current campaign has been.

"Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning. The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 4:13-16

Reflecting at 26

It's the eve of my 26th birthday. By my standards, that's still pretty young. I still have yet to get to that point where I'm self-conscious about my age. Though I must admit, 26 feels a whole lot closer to 30 than 25 does, and 30 does seem kinda, sorta old. Anywho, I had the sudden urge to make a list of things I would like to do before I'm 30. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Teach myself calculus and physics.

2. Take a summer trip to Alaska.

3. Enroll in some business classes (In case I decide to pursue one my dreams to own my own coffee shop/bookstore.)

4. Marry an intelligent, joyful, Christian woman.

5. Get a decent start on writing a book.

6. Establish a healthy diet and regular exercise routine.

7. Learn how to spend less money than I make.

8. Attend WrestleMania XXVI, XXVII, or XXVIII

9. Make volunteering for community projects, relief efforts, etc. a regular part of my life.

10. Get a driver's license and a car. Btw, if anyone would like to help me with this one, I need some free driving lessons. ; )

Evolution, Creation, and the Irresistible Urge to Exist

Any biologists will tell you that it is quite astonishing how life can exist in the most extreme conditions.  It's everywhere.  From scorching hot geysers to Earth's frigid poles to the deepest parts of the oceans, life somehow finds a way to spring up and survive.  We have found living organisms in places we never thought we would.

I had my own little revelation regarding this fact today.  Vines and branches were beginning to overtake the XA House recently, so I started chopping and snipping away at them, just a little each day for the past week or so.  It left a few nice little compost piles of dead leaves and wood, which I decided to rake up and put in garbage bags today.  As I was raking up one particular pile, mostly leaves and wet soil from all the rain we've gotten in the last week, I discovered an entire little ecosystem that had developed there.  As I tore the brushed away at the canopy of this makeshift biosphere, little creatures scattered in every direction.  Rolly pollies, worms, and all sorts of bugs ran off, presumably to find new shelter.  I was amazed at how quickly this miniature world had become inhabited.

Many people, including both people of faith and people of science, are unable to see anything but conflict when looking at the ideas behind Evolution and Creation.  Many others however, (including myself) look at these two ways of accounting for existence, and, far from seeing inherent conflict, we see two complementary Truths.  Evolution is a story about the complexity of life developing from an odd, irresistible urge in every living thing, from single-celled organisms to homo sapiens, to live and to reproduce.  The Biblical account of creation is a story about a God who creates life by the mere act of saying, "Let there be."  I find it quite compelling to think that perhaps this urge to live that Darwin taught us about can be explained as a near-obsessive obedience to the diving command that Genesis teaches us about.

Read Genesis 1 again and notice that it is not a story of God crafting every plant and animal individually and micromanaging their existence.  God actually commands the Earth itself to bring forth these creatures, and the Earth, of course, obeyed.  The way I see it, Evolution is simply what happened when Creation listened to God's voice saying, "Let there be."

On the "Anti-naturalist"

One of the most basic foundations for a person's worldview depends on what kind of thoughts the words "natural" and "supernatural" bring to mind. A naturalist can be defined as someone who believes that the methods of science are sufficient to explain everything that exists. At the other end of the spectrum is the supernaturalist, who believes that there are things that exist that are beyond "nature." In other words, that there are phenomena that we experience that originate from somewhere beyond the material world, and are thus beyond the scope of the types of explanations that science offers.

Something I've observed recently is that there would seem to be a third category, (or maybe a sub-category of supernaturalist) that I would call anti-naturalism. (That word already has a certain meaning in the philosophy world, but I'm "re-coining" it here for a different purpose.) The anti-naturalist could be described as a supernaturalist who gives special favor or status to the supernatural phenomena, while thinking of natural phenomena as mundane or somehow less special than supernatural phenomena.

I find anti-naturalist tendencies to be fairly prevalent among Christians, and this, to me, is disheartening. I can understand it somewhat. It's quite thrilling to experience things that seem to have no possible natural explanation (i. e., miraculous healing, meaningful coincidences, etc.), and I believe that God likes to show his might and good will through such things. However, to look down our noses at the natural world is to deny the simple and essential notion that God created it all. We tend to have this fetish for the supernatural because then we know that "God did that," but dare we deny (whether explicitly or implicitly) that God also provided the meal that we ate for lunch. Or that he created the ground we walk on, the oxygen we breathe, the friends and family we love so much, etc.

Perhaps this is why Jesus said that it's a "perverse generation" who looks for a sign. I don't think he said that to condemn us when we desire to see God's hand reach out to us in a special way. I think the perversion is simply failing to recognize that the whole universe is a sign, and that the invisible qualities of God are made known to us by that which he has created. Sure, a miraculous healing is quite a marvel, but the Universe ain't nothing to scoff at either.

Destiny and Romance

There's a part of me, a part of my mind, or my heart, or my soul (or maybe all 3, I'm not sure), a part of me that was alive when I was younger. It's been dead, or at least sleeping, for the past few years. It is just now being awaken again.

When I was younger, I dreamed. I thought that there was some things in life that I was destined to do, that I could do whatever I set my heart on, that the passions that I felt in my soul would inevitably, unavoidably come to fulfillment in an awesome, world-changing way.

I also thought that one day I might find some dream girl, a "soulmate," if you will. A smart, funny, fun, exciting, beautiful young lady with sparkling eyes, whom I would gladly spend my life with.

Somehow, at some point, I started believing that such things were just childish fantasies, cultivated by fairy tales and movies meant to deceive us with false hope. I became convinced that most good decisions involved doing precisely the opposite of what my heart told me. Emotion = bad, reason = good.

But I'm changing. Again. Maybe, just maybe, there's good reasons why our hearts thirst for such things, why our souls respond to stories of destiny and romance.

I believe in free will, but I also believe in listening to one's heart. And our hearts, unfortunately, don't always let us choose what it wants. There are some things that God himself placed in our hearts, and he is trying to use our hearts to speak to us.

According to Scripture, there is a time and a season for everything under the sun. I believe that it's time for me to start following my heart.

Reflecting at 25

I'm 25 yrs. old now. That's a quarter of a century! It's funny because I'm in a position where some of my friends think that's fairly old and others think it's pretty young. I have very few "true peers" right now as far as age goes.

As I'm reflecting on my life right now, there's one word that comes to mind: uncertainty. Don't get me wrong; I'm not having some "quarter-life crisis" or anything, but I am wrestling with a number of things as far as where my life is headed.

One of the main things is marriage. For the past 4 or 5 years, I have enjoyed my singlehood a lot, and I've usually been fairly certain that I want to remain single for a while, but every now and then I waver a little bit. I've been doing quite a bit of wavering lately. As much as I really do enjoy being single, it's hard to ignore the fact that girls are stinkin' awesome.

Occupation-wise, I love what I'm doing right now, and I'm trying to stay focused on it, but at the same time I do need to be thinking about what I'm going to do next. I know the passions and gifts God has given me, but I haven't quite figured out what will be the best way to use them.

Above all, I am quite uncertain about where I'm headed spiritually. I'm kinda in the midst of switching churches right now after realizing that the church I've going to for the past 6 years doesn't at all fit with what I believe a church should be like. I'm also wrestling with my identity as a Christian and how I fit in with the "culture" of Christianity. There's so much about the Christian culture in America that I am ashamed to be associated with, but at the same time I know that God doesn't call anyone to be a loner and forge their own path. I certainly don't want to be unorthodox, but I am definitely questioning what exactly is entailed by orthodoxy.

Anywho, that's a summary of where I stand as I approach the big Two Five. I don't know if it sounds depressing or what, but I actually find it fairly exciting. I know that if I love and serve God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, he will ensure that my life will have meaning and fulfillment.

Love and Miracles

I've butted heads on several occasions recently with friends who have a somewhat different vision of spirituality than I do. Our discussions have caused me to wrestle with myself and what I really believe. Before I explain though, a disclaimer: the purpose of this blog is not to criticize my friends, but rather to talk about how these disagreements have challenged me and caused me to think more carefully about what I believe. Also, I don't express anything here that I have not (or would not) express in a face-to-face conversation.

These differences I've had with my friends involve the nature and purpose of miracles, spiritual gifts, signs, and wonders. I believe that God is all about the miraculous, and that he uses supernatural means to edify the church body, to display his power, and to express his love. I've heard countless stories. I've seen it. I've experienced it. Miraculous healing. Deliverance. Supernatural wisdom and knowledge. I don't at all dispute that God does this things and that he's wanting to do them more and more. I also believe that he wants us to desire and seek these things.

The problem then, at least as I perceive it, is that it often seems that people who really actively seek these things lose sight of what's ultimately important, i. e. "Love the Lord God with all your heart, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself." Love is our highest calling, and as we know from 1 Corinthians 13, spiritual gifts are meaningless with out love. Not that we should altogether forget about the supernatural aspects of our faith, but to me it would seem better to redirect the passion that people have for wanting to see miracles towards loving our neighbor. Perhaps if we did this, miracles would just be a natural outflow or result. Sometimes it seems like people just want to see God do cool little magic tricks just for the wonder of it.

I can see why this might be the case. A supernatural sign is much more tangible than an act of love. A miracle is more readily taken as a confirmation of faith than, say, someone washing another person's feet. I guess an act of subservient, selfless love is more explainable by natural means than a sick person being made suddenly well.

But even as I say such things, I'm wrestling with myself, wondering if there's some other motivation for the way I feel about these things. Miracles were obviously a very important part of Jesus's ministry, and they have been important to the church since the very beginning. Is this all just a lack of faith on my part? Or maybe I'm just clinging to a watered-down, unimposing, safe version of Christianity. Is it possible perhaps that while I claim to be all about the supernatural, I actually don't want to see those kinds of things happen out of fear for what they will bring about. I don't know. I think my motives here are at least somewhat good, but I have to consider the possibilities.

On the Tragic Incidents Involving Chris Benoit

Chris Benoit was one of my favorite wrestlers. Other than The Undertaker and Kurt Angle, there was no one else I enjoyed seeing in the ring more than Benoit. When I heard the news last night of the death of he and his wife and son, I was shocked and saddened. As I watched the WWE's tribute to him last night, I had no idea what the cause of the deaths were. My sadness only grew throughout the night as I watched his peers talk about how he was such a stand-up guy, one they could trust, and how he loved his son so much. My thoughts were that we truly lost one of the best, inside and outside the ring.

As I'm learning more details about the circumstances of the death, that in all likelihood Benoit murdered his wife and kid and then hung himself, I'm struggling with waning sympathy. The ironic thing is that this is all happening as I'm working on a sermon about refraining from judging people. No doubt what Benoit has done is terrible, and I wouldn't at all try to say it's okay. But it's important to remember in a situation like this that only God is fit to judge. Our knowledge is extremely limited, but God knows people's hearts. Let's leave judgment to Him. It's not our place.

There's a part in the Gospels where Jesus looks out over a huge crowd of people and it says he had compassion on them because to him they were "like sheep without a shepherd." There were probably some thieves in that crowd. Probably some adulterers, too, and maybe even some murderers. And Jesus knew. Just like the Samaritan woman at the well, he knew all about those people. But it did not invoke judgment, but rather compassion. Let us be more like Jesus. It's hard, I know, but condemnation helps no one.

Judgment and Fault-Bound Perception

I had written in a post several months ago about how every time we judge someone we are assuming a role that was never intended for us and belongs to God alone. I'm reading a book now that has been giving me even more insights into this topic. It's called Repenting of Religion: Turning from Judgment to the Love of God, and it's written by Gregory Boyd. To give credit where credit is due, a lot of what I will say here is inspired by this book.

One of the things that's extremely important to remember in considering Jesus's command to "Judge not" is the fault-bound nature of our own perception of things. It is extremely rare, if it ever happens at all, that the reality of something matches up 100 % with the way things appear to us. As Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians 13:12, "we see in a mirror dimly." At the time he wrote this, mirrors we're not clear glass like we have now. They were made of steel, and so the reflection was somewhat dark and distorted. According to Paul then, the way we see and understand things now is obscured. Even when it seems like we have enough evidence to have it all figured out, our eyes and our brains our imperfect, and we can never trust that we have the whole truth.

Unfortunately, it seems that we often make judgments even when we are not even close to knowing the full story. For one simple example, say you're eating in the mall, and a very obese man sits down at the table next to you. He weighs about 300 lbs., and he has a big, greasy supersized meal from McDonald's. You notice all of these things, and you think to yourself, with a bit of disdain, "Man, this guy needs to change his diet."

That is what you see, your perception. Potentially, this could be the reality: yes, he weighs 300 lbs., but 6 months ago he weighed 350 lbs. He's been keeping a strict diet and exercising regularly. Part of his diet is that once a month he gets to eat whatever he wants, and McDonald's is his favorite place to eat. You happened to catch him on the one day a month that he gets to indulge, and then you judged him based on that one, single encounter.

This is just one imaginary scenario of a type of thing that actually happens all the time. Constantly we (and I use we to include myself) judge people based on things that are really not our business in the first place. Even for people we know well, we usually don't know all of the various factors, circumstances, and motivations that influence their actions. The Bible is clear that only God can fully know the heart of a person, so not only is he the only one with the right to judge, he is the only one fit to judge. Who the heck are we? Who appointed us judges? Who told us that we get to separate the wheat from the chaff? It is my understanding that only God can do that.

If this subject challenges you and interests you, I strongly recommend Boyd's book. He goes much deeper on a topic that I just touch the surface of here.

Why the Blood Kid is My Hero.

If you haven't seen this video yet, watch it now. It's hiii-larious. (If you're reading this from facebook, I have the video in my posted items).

I've watched this clip many times now and laughed at it over and over again, especially when showing it to friends. But I've realized recently that in addition to the humor of it, there's something quite admirable about this kid. He sees the blood on his baby brother's lip, and in his little heart all he knows is that it's not right. Blood = bad. He cries out to his dad for justice--implicitly pleading with him to DO SOMETHING.

Of course, Dad knows it's not so bad, and thus the situation appears quite humorous to him. But for all Blood Kid knows, his brother is in great danger, and his dad's laughter appals him. "NOT FUNNY!" he screams, "NOT FUUU-NYYYY!" Despite the laughter, despite not being taken seriously, he stands up for what he believes is right, and against what he believes is wrong. He doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him.

It's a complete inversion of the Cain and Abel story; Blood Kid is his brother's keeper. When God confronts Cain about murdering Abel, he tells him, "Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground" (Genesis 4:10). Cain tried to hide his actions from God, but he couldn't. Blood Kid, on the other hand, hides nothing. He himself cries out for his brother, emphatically and defiantly. Let us follow the way of Blood Kid and not Cain. Let us be our brother's keeper. When our brother is hurting, let us cry out to our Father: BLOOOOOD!

Friends XIV: Lane Trahan

I'm sitting in my recliner at the Chi Alpha house. It's 11:00 on a regular ol' weekday night, and school is in session. Class is at 8:00 am. I need to be in my office for 7:15 to do some last minute prep for class. I'm planning to set my alarm for 6. This means I'm already getting less sleep than I'd like, and every minute that I sit there on that recliner is even less. There's one reason why I don't get up and go to bed: Lane Ferdinand Nathanael Trahan.

I love just hangin' out with this guy because I know when we do I'm either going to laugh my butt off or have a good, meaningful conversation of the type that I can't have with most people without someone getting angry or tuning me out. Some of my fondest memories in the XA House are just sitting around with Lane watching funny videos on youtube (such as Frank Caliendo's John Madden Popcorn Popper commercial), or listening to Roll Out by Ludacris and laughing at the ludicrous lyrics.

One thing that's been really cool this past year is seeing Lane exercise his God-given leadership skills. It's been observed by many people that Lane has the ability to get people to do anything. If Lane says, "We should go shoot some pool at White Diamond tonight," chances are that White Diamond will be getting some pretty good business that night. In thepast few months, he has used this gift in spiritual matters as well, rallying people in order to deal with a pressing spiritual issue.

Whether through laughing, debating, or witnessing spiritual growth, getting to know Lane has been one of the best and most unexpected pleasures of my experiences in the Chi Alpha house.

In the Land of the Greeks, Part I

I'm not a fan of big cities. The noise, the traffic, the horns, the people--I usually find it all just a little too much to bear. But as I sit back and reflect on the amazing trip that I just returned from, I can honestly say that I miss being in Athens.

We were 11 students (okay, technically Amanda and I are both no longer students. Close enough), there for 11 days. We did some sight-seeing during a couple of those days (and definitely saw some breath-taking sights), but primarily we were there to spend our days at the University of Athens, talking to and making friends with the Greek students. The hospitality they showed to us far exceeded my expectations. We talked, sometimes for hours, while sipping down frappes in cafes. Some of us were invited to their homes. Some of the students even came to our place of lodging and allowed us to show them a true Cajun dish: red beans and rice. (Though we may have made it a little too spicy for them.)

We discovered that many, many of the Greek students are spiritually hungry. Conversations often very naturally turned towards church and God and Jesus, and students were frequently curious about our team and our purpose for being in Athens. It seems that a large number of the students are disappointed with the Orthodox Church but are, potentially, willing to take a second look at Jesus Christ.

The hospitality and spiritual hunger of the students are only a couple of the many reasons I miss Athens. I will discuss more in future posts. Yassas (Greek word for "hello" or "goodbye" plural).

~Ken, Born of Fire

Let's Get Real

I'm in the process right now of "taking ownership" of my faith/my religion/my walk with God/however you want to phrase it. Or maybe I should say that I'm letting God take ownership of it. Whatever the case, I'm certain that in the past, neither of us have owned it. You know who has? The preachers, the pastors, the authors, the mentors, the peers--pretty much everyone but God and me.

I'm by no means "rebelling" against the godly people in my life or anyone else. I thank God so much for the people that have reached out to me, befriended me, and discipled me. I'm just realizing that for the past few years, I've been doing a lot of assuming, accepting, believing and not enough questioning, rejecting, and doubting. I've been trying to fit into other people's moulds instead of creating one for myself.

I want to know who God is. Really, who is he? How much of what I think about God has simply been transmitted to me by others? How much have I discovered and known myself, by reading the Bible and really experiencing Him?

I know that God loves me. Or do I? Do I really? I know the that Bible says it's true, and that I've experienced his love, but I also know that this is what I've been taught for the last 6 1/2 years. So what's the real reason that I believe God loves me? Have I truly discovered it for myself? Or have I only accepted what I've been taught?

I've always thought these verses were cheesy:
Jesus loves me, this I know
Because the Bible tells me so.
But they're actually starting to mean something to me now.

When I first heard and read that "God so loved the world," it wasn't very surprising to me. It just seemed like a confirmation of what I had already figured was true. But I'm trying to "un-assume" things like that now. I want to let God teach me his love instead of presuming to have known it already.

~Born of Fire

Friends XIII: Kelsey Tomes

Kelsey Tomes, aka the Tomesinator. Her last name means "Voluminous Books," which is entirely fitting because if I could describe Ms. Tomes in one word, it would be "fun." I've never experienced a dull moment reading a big book, and I've never experienced a dull moment around Kelsey.

I think I've discovered one of the sources of her fun-ness: it's simply that she just jumps right in to whatever is going on at the moment. Let me explain with some examples:

A few years ago I got on this kick where I would just randomly tell someone, "Hey, do you remember that time when you punched me in the stomach and told me I was ugly and I can't read good?" Most people would just laugh, or say something like, "No, when did I do that!" Kelsey, on the other hand, would retort with something like, "Yeah, I remember that. And do you remember that time when you kicked me in the shins and told me I had dandruff and I smell funny."

Example 2: Another thing I had started doing recently was approaching friends when they were talking to someone else or a group of people and say something to the effect of, "Hey, So-and-So, I found that lice shampoo that you were looking for at Wal-Mart the other day. It's on aisle 5." Most people didn't quite know how to react to it, but the Tomesinator did. It eventually became a game of one-up-manship. The game culminated with Kelsey besting me, announcing on a microphone in a conference room in a hotel, in front of tons of people, that she had found my Preparation-H on the floor and needed to return it to me.

There are many other great things about this young lady; this is just the one I wanted to highlight. Kelsey Tomes truly lives in the moment, and seems to enjoy life in a way that makes everyone around enjoy it more, too. Thanks Kels.

~Ken, Born of Fire

Friends, Part XII: Stacey Labit

It's pretty much impossible to not like someone who makes you laugh, and Stacey has been making me laugh since almost the very first time I met her.

I have to admit, Stacey (or Stace, as many call her), took me off guard at first. When I moved into the Chi Alpha house this past summer, I knew all of the people who were going to be my housemates pretty well, but Stacey was the one unknown. I was pleasantly surprised, to say the least. Her willingness to speak her mind, and to vocalize whatever [crazy] thoughts might find themselves there, have almost made me fall out of my chair laughing on several occasions (and I mean that literally. That recliner in the xa house is a little unstable, and of some of Stacey's outbursts have sent me tipping backwards.)

Not that her humor is her only good quality. I've had numerous intelligent conversations with Stacey in which she said things that really challenged me and made me think. To this day, I still ponder a comment she made about morality, and how it's usually nothing more than a way for us to say we're better than someone else.

Long story short, Stacey has very quickly become one of my favorite people. Up until last summer, I only had big sisters. Now I'm very glad to have a little one, too!

~Ken, Born of Fire

A New Wave of Friends

I recently did Part XI in my ever-expanding Friends series, the subject of which was Josh Manning. As I was typing it up, I realized that over the past semester or two, I've made new friends and gotten closer to a whole butt-load of people. It'll probably take a while, but over the course of next few months, you will see blogs dedicated to the likes of:

Stacey Labit, Kelsey Tomes, Lane Trahan, Clint Larson, Bonnie Hippler, Ciji Taylor, Carly Guidry, Josh Higgins, Michele DeClouet, Janna Mahoney, and quite possibly a few more. I hope you'll enjoy them!

~Ken, Born of Fire

A New Wave of Friends

I recently did Part XI in my ever-expanding Friends series, the subject of which was Josh Manning. As I was typing it up, I realized that over the past semester or two, I've made new friends and gotten closer to a whole butt-load of people. It'll probably take a while, but over the course of next few months, you will see blogs dedicated to the likes of:

Stacey Labit, Kelsey Tomes, Lane Trahan, Clint Larson, Bonnie Hippler, Ciji Taylor, Carly Guidry, Josh Higgins, Michele DeClouet, Janna Mahoney, and quite possibly a few more. I hope you'll enjoy them!

~Ken, Born of Fire

Friends XI: Josh Manning

This installment of the Friends is about Josh Manning, aka the J-Mann, aka Big Sexy. Okay, I made up that last one. No one actually calls him that. Well, I can think of one person that might, but I don't know for sure. I usually include a picture in these things, but Blogger isn't letting me right now, so I'll add one later. Anywho, the J-Mann and I became friends when he was an intern with Chi Alpha here at UL during the 2005-2006 school year. If there's one thing I can say about him, it's that there is definitely only one Josh Manning. Well, actually, there are lots of Josh Mannings, and he's friends with all of them on Facebook, but I'm willing to bet that none of them are remotely like him.

Josh is the kind of guy that it's hard not to be friends with, even if you try not to. Not that I ever tried not to. I'm just saying, he's easy to befriend. In any given social context, it seems that Josh's number one priority is to make people laugh, and he has about a 50% success rate, which is pretty good. And when he does succeed, he REALLY succeeds. Though Josh was only here at UL for a year, and even though he's been gone now for almost a year, many of his jokes are still told to this today, and his legacy is kept alive by those who loved to laugh at them. Like the one where you take a saltshaker and a steak knife, and say "What's this? A salt with a deadly weapon!"

Josh is also a great man of God who is enlisted in active service in the Kingdom of God.

Finally, Josh also has a great, highly entertaining website, www.joshmanning.com, which you can check out for a peek into his life. Whether you know Josh or not, I'm pretty sure you'll be at least mildly amused by this site.

~Ken, Born of Fire

Canelope

I eloped this weekend.
I went away and didn't tell nobody.
It was just me and the air
me and the wind
me and you
everybody
anybody
me.

Cake, wrestling, God, money.
The Earth is my dowry.

And now I'm committed,
though divorce is an option.

Insight from the Ecosystem

What is the definition of community?

I was looking through a few dictionary entries, and the best one I could find is actually the ecological definition from the American Heritage Science Dictionary. It reads:

"A group of organisms or populations living and interacting with one another in a particular environment. The organisms in a community affect each other's abundance, distribution, and evolutionary adaptation."

That second sentence is what really strikes me.

Think about your community:

How much do you affect the other members?
How much do the other members affect you?

I think we can measure true community by looking at how consequential each individual's actions are to the rest of the members.

What do you think?

The Restful Student

As the amount of responsibilities I have mount and mount over the years, I have found rest to be an essential part of my life as a student. I mean essential in the most serious sense of the word. Without rest, I cannot function. And I don't think you can either. In case it's any help to you, here is how I try to stay rested (try being an important word here).

1. Daily rest is important. At least 7 hours of sleep a day is always my goal. When I don't, I feel it.

Besides sleep though, I also need rest in the daylight hours. Maybe a nap, but not usually. Just a point in the day where I can relax a little bit. These can take a number of forms: sitting down with a cup of coffee, talking to people in the cafe, reclining in the recliner, quiet time with God, walking around campus, facebooking, blogging, etc. What I'm doing isn't important, as long as it relaxes me.

2. Weekly rest is not only important but commanded by God. The whole Sabbath thing. I try to honor it. The key is to not get tripped up by days or times. Do it whenever you can. I usually stop working Fridays at noon and resume Saturday after lunch. During that 24 hr. period, I don't do any work. I'm also flexible though. If something comes up, I might shift the time a little bit.

And most of it's just relaxing: video games, TV, reading, hanging out with friends, whatever. But I also try to have some version of an extended quiet time during this period.

3. Beyond daily and weekly rest, an occassional extended rest is often vital. Luckily for me, as a student, the university takes care of this one for me. I just try to make the most of my holidays.

4. Lastly, I have what I guess you could call "Spirit-led rest." There are certain times that I'm just doing homework or something like that, and my mind will wander off into thinking about something I've been dealing with or thinking about lately. Usually this is just daydreaming, but occassionally I find that God is speaking to me about something or giving me some clarity about something I've been thinking about. At this point I'll stop whatever work I'm doing, if possible, and allow God to speak to me, and then I'll write about it in my journal or on a spare sheet of paper. If it's not possible for me to drop what I'm doing, I'll make some time later in the day to get alone and reflect.

Anywho, that's I how I rest, and thus how I keep my mind awake and productive. I hope it benefits you in some way. Sometimes I feel like we live in a world of sleepwalkers. Let's make sure that our work and routines don't lull us into such a state.

I just read a good article on relevantmagazine.com. It was about people leaving or switching churches and claiming they weren't "being fed." The author suggests that perhaps we're not fed because we don't pick up our fork and eat. The idea is that you can have a great meal set before you on a table, but if you don't pick up your fork and eat, the food is not going to jump into your mouth. Thus, the responsibility falls not just on the pastor et al to provide the food but also on us to be active in eating and digesting it.

I like the analogy. I think there's some truth in it. What do you think?

I would also like to extend the analogy by adding that if this is true, then our own studying of the Bible would be our spiritual Metamucil Crackers, so to speak. This gives new meaning to the idea of having a regular habit of reading God's Word.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha . . . no, but seriously, what do you think? Chew on that for a minute and let me know how it tastes. Peace.

Born of Fire

A Note I Received

I got an unexpected surprise today. I found an envelope with my name on it at the Chi Alpha house. I opened it and there was a little card inside. On the front it said:

Thank You

". . .he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed" (Proverbs 11:25, NIV).

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I opened the card and the inside read:

"The pleasantness of a friend springs from

their heartfelt advice" - Prov. 27:9

(You are loved)

Ken,

You are a great Man of God and true friend for everyone in the house. Your jokes, light humor, and kind presence always bring warmth and peace to a room. You are always ready to listen and offer advice . . . always thinking before you speak. You are a great teacher and allow God to use you to impact so many students' lives. You are appreciated more than you know!

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Wow. The reason something like this means so much is because we tend to be pretty critical of ourselves. Even when things are going relatively well, we often have this nagging sense that we could be doing better, that we're not meeting expectations, whether they be God's, someone else's, or our own. So to suddenly run into a note like this is just overwhelmingly comforting. It's nice to know that you may actually be doing something right.

Anywho, the point is, when you see someone doing something good, be sure to tell them. It makes a difference. A big one, as vast as the universe itself.

A Brief Encouragement

Peace. Peace be with you. May the peace of Jesus Christ be with you. May the peace of Jesus Christ find a way to nudge itself into your busy heart. And there may it burst and spread and overtake every fiber and nerve of your being.

Clarification

To all who were disturbed by the poem from my previous post, I apologize. And no, I'm definitely not contemplating suicide, just in case you were wondering.

I guess I didn't think about it quite enough, but the poem was actually meant to be funny. How, you ask? So I had all this stuff about my eulogy and love and Jesus, but then my final and most passionate plea was that I wouldn't be dressed up in a suit and tie! Anywho, it was funny to me.

Oh, and be on the lookout. I think I'm gonna get a haircut soon. You may not recognize me.


Born of Fire

About My Funeral

Here's a poem I'm working on:

About My Funeral

To whomever will care for me
When I die:

Please tell everyone
how much I loved them.

Don't spend too much time
going on about me.
I'm not a great person now,
and I never will be.

Tell them all
about how Christ died for them.
I'll finally have a captive audience.
Use it
to say the things
that I like to say.

And PLEASE,
for GOD's SAKE,
don't dress me up
in one of those stupid monkey suits!
They do not suit me in life,
so I do not expect them to in death.

Remember me
just how I am.

A Little Historical Fiction

I've got a fun little story to tell.

So we all know that when God made Adam and Eve, he told them to be fruitful and multiply. And they had some other tasks too, like tending the garden, naming the animals, etc. But did you know that there was one task he gave them that wasn't recorded in the Bible? Yep.

Originally, God had also appointed them judges on the Earth. He said, "Be fruitful, multiply, and judge all that walketh upon the face of the Earth. Watch all they do, and based on their actions, decide and record whether each one is a good person or a bad person. And you are to determine how much love and affection each one deserves to receive, and mete it out accordingly."

And this all went fine at first. But as people kept following that commandment to multiply, and the population increased, it started to get a little burdensome. They were going through piles and piles of paperwork everyday. Meanwhile, the garden was getting overgrown and unkempt, and new species of animals were forming that they didn't have time to name. It was chaos.

So the overworked couple went to God and told him of their dilemma. And of course, God was very understanding and compassionate. He said, "You guys just go back to the garden, and I'll take care of this judging business." And Adam and Eve were very relieved, and they went back to the garden happy that they no longer had to carry out that wearisome job.

On Being Born Again

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be born again.

For many people, Christians and non-Christians included, born-again seems like it has become a term nearly synonymous with evangelical. That is, to say that yourself or someone else is a "born-again Christian" describes a certain set of beliefs that they have, or the type of Christian they are.

Christians should be especially careful not to use the term that way. When Jesus introduces the term in the Gospel of John, his point is that being born again is NOT about having a certain set of beliefs. A man named Nicodemus comes to him telling him that he believes Jesus is from God, and that it is evident from all the miracles he has performed. But Jesus doesn't accept this "confession of faith" from Nicodemus. Why? Jesus responds by saying, "I tell you truth, unless a person is born again, he cannot see the Kingdom of God."

Jesus said this to show that being a part of his Kingdom is something radically different and more than having certain beliefs. Belief is essential, but it is not the whole. Something must happen so deep and so real that Jesus likens it to being born a second time. Total surrender. To be born again, your life must be essentially replaced by the one Jesus offers.

Friends X: Lance Dunn

This is Lance Dunn. He's a limosine-ridin', jet-flyin', wheelin'-dealin', kiss-stealin' son-of-a-gun! Okay, so he doesn't really do all those things, but he could easily pull it off if he let how cool he is go to his head. And that's one of the best ways I can describe this man. He's comparable to a Ric Flair, or a Jack Bauer, or some A-list celebrity, but without the arrogance.

Lance has become one of my best friends this semester. One of the primary ways our friendship has taken off is that we've watched wrestling in his room nearly every Monday night this semester. That's bonding right there. And I can't wait for January 22nd, when we will have the ultimate bonding experience: attending Monday Night Raw LIVE at the Cajun Dome!! Woooooooo!

To summarize, a megastar personality, a blue-collar ethic, and a love for pro wrestling equal to my own--what more could I ask for?

Me, Me, Me

I don't have any kind of cohesive thing to write right now, so I'll just try something slightly random. Here's some things you may or may not know about me:

I have a fear of choking due to some childhood experiences. To this day, if a situation arises in which I really need to take a pill, I crush it up and mix it up with some water. Yes, the taste is horrendous, but it's better than slowly dying from an inability to take in oxygen.

I used to go to bed early and wake up early. Now I go to bed a little later and I still wake up early. (I gotta work of fixing that).

A discouragingly (if that's a word) large portion of my disposable income goes towards fast food (especially McDonald's) and coffee.

Even though I like to think I don't really care much about my physical appearance, style, etc., I surprise myself with how sensitive I become when people make comments about it.

I think curse words are often hilarious, and it sometimes takes all of my will power to not use them when the opportunity presents itself.

Well, that's all you need to know for now. Maybe for my next post I'll stop this recent trend of writing about myself. Peace.

PMS in Men

That title might throw you for a loop and have you guessing, but don't adjust your monitor. That's exactly what this blog is about. I'm thinking about doing some research on the topic because I don't how to explain some of things I experience otherwise.

I'm not trying to discount the discoveries of the biological sciences or anything. I just know that every once in a while (not once a month; maybe 3 or 4 times a year) I get pretty emotional for a few days. And for no apparent reason. Little things will make me cry (sad or happy, either way).

Just the other day, I went from feeling pretty down (which is not a frequent occurrence for me) to inexplicably exuberant in a matter of minutes (seconds maybe).

I hate my PMS days. And I really want to know why they happen. Any other men out there experience this? Or is it just me? (Please don't let it be just me, or this post will turn out to be quite embarrassing).

The Dark Side of Me

You may be asking yourself who this scary-looking guy is. There's a number of possible answers to that question. I could say he's a professional wrestler known as "The Undertaker." However, for the purpose of this blog, a more appropriate answer would be that he's one of my childhood heroes.

A conversation that I had with Amanda J and Jacob D'Avy recently got me thinking about this. I was explaining to them that I used to be sorta obsessed with him. Most people who know me know I'm a huge pro wrestling fan, and The Undertaker has always been my favorite wrestler. I had posters in my room, videos that I would watch all the time, etc. As I was thinking about this conversation, I started to reflect a little bit, and I asked myself why this was so. What is it about me that drew me to such a mysterious, ghoulish figure?

Despite how it might appear in this picture, The Undertaker was actually one of the "good guys" of wrestling for the majority of his career, especially during the time that I started to become a fan. He was often referred to as "the conscience of the WWF." I think that was one of the main things that drew my admiration. But I think it was more than that. There were plenty of other "good guys" in wrestling, so why him?

Well, not only was he a moral figure, but he had his own way of going about it. He did morality with his own style, and for his own reasons. He had a personal vendetta with evil, and he battled it by himself. He answered to no one. Essentially, he was his own master. His own God.

So in answering why I was drawn to the Undertaker, I think it reveals two desires in me: one for morality, and another for autonomy. While the former is perfectly good and noble, the latter is essentially evil. Now that I'm a Christian, I've had to learn that morality is not "mine." It belongs to God. It was his idea from the beginning. For me to have a morality like the Undertaker's, which I did, only glorified myself. A Christian morality is supposed to glorify God.

It's such a huge change! All of my righteous acts that I was so proud of as a young man, I now consider rubbish. God doesn't look at the acts, he looks at my heart. And the truth is, my Undertaker-righteousness was really not righteousness at all because it was usually done in my own self-interests. As a Christian, I now have to deal with the fact that true morality begins with a fear of God and submission to his will.

Wow. Writing this has really helped me understand a lot about myself. Thanks for reading.

Thoughts on Being a Jerk

A speaker I heard recently helped me realize that I'm a jerk. I found out a few years ago that I'm a sinner, but some how a full knowledge of my jerkhood didn't come with the package.

One might want to say that jerk and sinner are synonymous, but how can they be if one helped me understand something that the other didn't? And it's not that jerk can replace sinner; it just relieves it of some of the weight that it carries, so that it doesn't have to do all the work on its own. Sinner has religion attached to it. Jerk strips that off and helps you realize that you are, plainly and simply, a selfish human being.

For the unbeliever, sinner sounds so foreign. For the believer, it's almost too familiar, and it's impact is softened from hearing years of sermons on mercy and forgiveness. Jerk helps out in both of these areas.

And for the unbeliever, that's the first step to Jesus. If you grow up without religion, realizing you're a sinner can't be the first step because you don't know what sin is yet. (Actually, I think everyone knows what sin is, essentially. It's just the word that throws people off). But if you realize you're a jerk, Jesus can work with that until you understand the full depth and consequences of your jerkiness, which is what sin means.

Sin means that your jerkitude has some serious consequences, among them that it's gotten you into major debt with your creator. That's why Jesus died. Not to make us better people, but to literally save us from those consequences. He paid the debt with his own life.